Inner Family Business Quicksand
Twenty One Clear's March Newsletter
Hey there, and welcome to the April newsletter. This month, I want to share a troubling analogy with three helpful steps.
Inner Family Business Quicksand
Your inner family business is the unique way your family works in and owns your company together.
Over your decade plus in business, you have endured storms, gotten stuck, made mistakes, and come out the other side of it all.
But then the inner family business issues start.
Two cousins exhaust you and the company by criticizing each other’s abilities, contribution and work ethic.
An unqualified nephew wants to join the company and his father will not stop texting you.
Your mother seems to have retired on the job, right when the company needs her most, and you cannot get her reengaged.
Your career fatigue is coming on faster than the next generation can be ready, and warning signs keep adding tension to your succession process.
You have tried, with the best intentions, to push ownership succession, offer career support, have tough love conversations, be available at all hours, and yet with each movement you make, you feel yourself sink further.
The family employee and ownership dynamics keep getting more chaotic.
This is nothing like getting beaten down on price by a client. It is more akin to sinking in quicksand.
If this is you, here are three steps that can help you get free:
1. Recognize you are in quicksand
When in quicksand, the more you struggle, the more you liquefy the sand around you, and sink. So the first step to escaping is realizing your ARE in inner family business quicksand.
In your inner family business, this can look like your other family employees, owners or members wanting you to do things even as the pressure increases.
“Make this decision!”
“Call me back tonight!”
“Let me act this way; I earned it!”
“….or else I will ________.”
You keep trying things, hoping it will get better, and you feel yourself sinking even more.
2. Stop flailing
In quicksand, at some point, stop flailing.
Getting out of quicksand is about slight movements, gradually breaking the vacuum seal, versus big strokes. You get back to the surface, and slowly move towards solid ground.
I recently recommended to a struggling family leader, “Let them know you’re struggling right now, and for company issues, you can only handle talking during business hours.” They were fielding unscheduled calls and texts at all hours.
“What about when we talk?” they asked. They worked together, after all.
“Limit the conversations, at least for now. Just answer the question asked, and no more. Do not expound, or meander to a new topic.” **
This was a triage for them. It let them stop flailing and gave everyone some space.
3. Get help
To ultimately get out of quicksand, you need to grab a stick, the shore, a rock, or something to help you lift yourself to safety. Even better, find someone willing to help.
When you’re sinking in inner family business quicksand, getting support can make the difference between escape and sinking again.
The family above scheduled a family meeting the next month and asked for my support in facilitating. “Everyone seems to calm down when someone else is in the room,” they said.
Once rescued from quicksand, the family could calm down, assess their dynamic, and start to work on their inner family business together.
This situation is almost inevitable in your family company journey; it happens. So recognize when you are in inner family business quicksand, stop flailing, get help and escape!
Till next month
As my grandfather would have said, thank you so very, very much for reading.
Adam, for 21 Clear
** - Unless I name a real company, the story is based on real family companies, with names, industries, and other details changed to protect the families’ privacy. Many times, a story is a synthesis of two or more similar stories. Any resemblance to an actual family or company is strictly coincidental.